One of my close friends spent 8 years’ worth of his savings on his sister’s marriage. When I asked him why, he couldn’t give me a straight answer.
After digging deeper, the truth came out: it was all about appearances, about what people would think.
This story isn’t uncommon. I see it everywhere. Smart people are throwing away years of their lives chasing someone else’s definition of success.
They’re living according to a script they never wrote, following rules they never agreed to. But here’s the question nobody asks: who benefits when you live this way?
The survival programming that no longer serves us
To understand why my friend made such a devastating financial decision, we need to examine the programming running in the background of our minds.
Following society’s rules wasn’t a bad thing when we were in the jungle.
Those days are over.
- You’re not going to be eaten by a lion on your way to work.
- You won’t starve if you don’t plant crops this season.
- Wild animals aren’t hunting you while you sleep.
Yet despite living in the safest era in human history, something’s deeply wrong.
Suicide is still the 3rd largest cause of death among young people (based on WHO report). How is this possible?
Because society optimizes for your safety, not your happiness.
The same tribal programming that kept your ancestors alive is now keeping us trapped.
Your parents wanted you to pick a “safe” career. Your teachers pushed you toward “stable” professions.
The message is clear: don’t take risks, don’t stand out. Just follow the path everyone else is following, and you’ll be fine.
But “fine” isn’t living. It’s existing.
The problem with living in survival mode
When you’re in survival mode, your brain only cares about one thing: staying safe. This makes long-term happiness impossible.
Why? Because survival mode hijacks your brain. Instead of asking “What would give me fulfillment or freedom?” you ask “What will keep me secure?”
This explains why you see people making “safe” choices that destroy their lives:
- Taking jobs they hate for steady paychecks
- Staying in toxic relationships that died years ago
- Buying expensive cars to impress people
- Choosing prestigious careers their parents or teachers wanted
Here’s the trap: Real happiness comes from growth and progress. But survival mode blocks both.
Have you seen any scientist or entrepreneur who succeeded by playing it safe?
Steve Jobs dropped out of college. Einstein was considered a failure in school. Every breakthrough comes from people who ignored safety and solved new problems.
But society keeps you focused on survival: your education loans, your retirement, your financial security.
When you’re worried about paying bills, you don’t have mental space to solve meaningful problems or create real value.
The result? You optimize for safety and get misery. You avoid risk and guarantee regret.
How capitalism takes advantage of your survival mode
It’s okay for me to see people in misery, but what’s not okay is that rich people are taking advantage of this survival mechanism.
This leads us to an uncomfortable truth about the system we’re living in.
They prioritize profit over people:
- The government we vote for serves corporations over citizens
- The schools we learn in train workers, not thinkers
- The food we eat is engineered to addict us
- The places where we earn our living exploit labor
- The hospitals where we get treated focus on symptoms, not cures
- The social media platforms where we make friends harvest our attention for profit
Everything around you is designed to exploit you while convincing you it’s good for you.
My wake-up call
Until I was 20, I believed money was everything. Until 23, I discovered money wasn’t everything.
But it took multiple life challenges and some brutal self-reflection to realize how completely I’d been following someone else’s rules.
This realization forced me to completely redefine what wealth actually means.
What wealth actually means
After 2022, my definition of wealth completely transformed.
Nassim Taleb captures it perfectly: “True wealth consists in worriless sleeping, clear conscience, reciprocal gratitude, absence of envy, good appetite, muscle strength, physical energy, frequent laughs, no meals alone, no gym class, some physical labor, good bowel movements, no meeting rooms, and periodic surprises.”
Notice what’s missing from that list?
Stock portfolios. Designer brands. Social media followers. Corner offices.
Signs you’re stuck in the system
I’m writing down quick bullet points so you can compare them with yourself and understand your current situation.
If any of these points apply to you, then you need to work on yourself:
- You spend most of your day doing tasks that feel meaningless or empty
- You’re always stressed about money, deadlines, or what others think of you
- You followed the “expected” path: college → job → marriage → house → kids without questioning it
- Your self-worth depends on salary, social media likes, or other people’s approval
- You make decisions based on fear rather than fulfillment or curiosity
- Your default response to any discomfort is to buy something or scroll
- You accept limiting beliefs like “work is supposed to be hard” or “money doesn’t grow on trees”
- You feel powerless to change your situation, even though you know something’s wrong
Use these methods to become aware of hidden society rules
Awareness is the first step toward freedom. But you need practical methods to see through the programming.
Start with what I call “profit awareness”
So, whatever you’re doing, just ask yourself: who will profit from what I’m doing?
| What I Think I Want (System Programming) | Who Profits? | What I Actually Want (Authentic Self) |
|---|---|---|
| Endless scrolling | Social media companies, advertisers | Real connections and meaningful content |
| Six-figure salary | Employers, tax system | Freedom to choose my schedule |
| Big house | Banks, real estate industry | Peaceful living space |
| Expensive car | Auto industry, loan companies | Reliable transportation |
| Designer clothes | Fashion brands, credit companies | Confidence and self-expression |
| Latest iPhone | Tech companies | Communication and creativity |
| Expensive degree | Universities, loan providers | Knowledge and skills |
See, there’s always someone making a profit from what you do.
But if designer clothes are important for your seminar and help you get more clients, then go for it.
Don’t overthink when something is important for your core survival needs.
Then follow up with some simple questions (optional)
Find people who are following the path you want to follow or are currently following. If possible, ask them privately:
→ Are you genuinely happy with what you’re doing? Did you want to do this your whole life?
Most people will say yes, and that’s where you have to ask:
→ Can you do this without money or with less money?
Trust me, most people are lost and just working for the money. That’s what society told them to do.
Takeaway:
Always remember: If you don’t create your own path, society will give you one.
Even if you’re aware of society’s rules, that doesn’t mean you can stop your life from getting ruined
Here’s where things get complicated. Knowing the system exists doesn’t automatically free you from it. Fear keeps you trapped.
Fear makes you choose suffering over uncertainty
- You know your relationship is dead, but you stay because “what if I never find anyone else?”
- You know your job drains your soul, but you can’t quit because “what about the mortgage?”
- You know that degree will put you in debt for something you don’t want, but you take it anyway because “what if I can’t get a job without it?”
Fear convinces you that known misery is safer than unknown possibility.
So along with awareness, you need to work on your fear as well. But that’s something we’ll cover in other articles.
Breaking free requires more than just awareness
So with awareness, you need to work on your fear as well. Understanding who profits from your choices is just the first step.
The real challenge isn’t recognizing the system – it’s having the courage to act differently despite the fear.
Most people stay trapped not because they don’t see the cage, but because opening the door feels too scary. They know their job is meaningless, their relationship is dead, their lifestyle is killing them slowly – but they choose familiar misery over uncertain freedom.
This is why awareness alone isn’t enough. You need to actively work on the fear that keeps you following society’s script instead of writing your own.
The system counts on your fear. It needs you worried about bills, status, and safety so you’ll keep playing by rules that benefit others, not you.
Conclusion
My friend, who spent 8 years of savings on his sister’s wedding, is still working the same job he hates, still worried about what people think, still following the same script that made him sacrifice his future for appearances.
He’s not alone. Millions of people are trapped in this cycle, optimizing for safety while their souls slowly die.
The system works perfectly – for everyone except you.
It keeps you afraid, busy, and focused on survival.
But now you know the game. You see how society programs you to choose security over happiness, how capitalism exploits your survival instincts, how fear keeps you trapped even when you recognize the cage.
The question isn’t whether you’ll continue playing by their rules. The question is: when will you start writing your own?
Because the life you’re living right now – the one society handed you – isn’t the only option. It’s just the safest one.
And safe isn’t living. It’s just existing.
